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move over...

our shadows crash in the light; twistin', turnin', we keep burnin'

Real Housewives of NYC
Bethenney read something in a paper about being frenemies with Jill. At a meeting about Brooklyn Fashion Weekend Bethanney brought it up and Ramona and Alex immediately asked her if she leaked it (too funny). Betheney bitched and bitched and finally Kelly was tired of her bitching about Jill talking shit when Bethaney talks shit all the time too. Kelly tried to call her out. Ramona "pulled a Vicki" and complained about leaving work for women to have a cat fight. Alex reminded them of their purpose for being there (it's not to fight?) and went around the circle to see if everyone was still "in". They looked at some fashions. Alex and Ramona went to try on some clothes and Bethanie and Kelly called yet another truce. Kelly also explained her "up here, down here" from last season--I get it now.

LuAnn visited Jill. Bethenie called. Jill put her on speakerphone and didn't let her know LuAnn was there. It started out ok and quickly went down hill as two egos collided. Since we all know Betheny just got married and Jill wasn't there (I guess, I didn't look at any articles or pics--people were picking up spyware) I don't think this is a reconciliation arc. At the point this happened, Bethannie should have called Bobby and said the following, "Bobby, I'm so sorry I didn't call sooner--I didn't realize the gravity of your illness. You have always been so kind to me and I am very thankful for that. I hear you have been given the all clear. That makes me so happy for you and your family. Always know you were and are in my thoughts and prayers." BAM. Then Jill is the super bitch. And from what we've seen from Bobby on the show, he would be gracious and thank her and they would be fine. Now, it's probably too late. Oh geez, why do I even care. It's because they are so incredibly obtuse and this is so easily fixable. It's frustrating.

Other stuff happened, but my dog attacked my other dog (probably spurred on by these bitches screaming at one another--I blame you Bravo. You!) so I don't really care what happened to these vapid bitches on this show. I take vapid back, simply because different from the bitches on the others (OC, Atlanta, NJ--maybe not so much NJ) these women value education for their children. It's the only thing that saves them from the cesspool that is the Real Housewives franchise. I bitch, but I love it and will never stop watching. I am a little pissed they brought that couple on DC. I could go all conspiracy theory...it was a message from the NWO (New World Order) overlords to Obama that they can "get to him" right in his own home. I think I will refer to them as the NWO puppets when the series is on.

Sober House
Someone on TWOP (which gets tiresome too) suggested starting a drinking game. Every time Tom Sizemore leaves or threatens to leave, take a drink. Naked Wasted, baby.

I waited for the incident shown over and over in previews. Tom Sizemore screaming "say dope sick again" at the cringing, "what-the-fuck-is-happening" Mike Starr. It happened at the end.

Tom gets pissed and leaves because Jen won't give him his phone back (punishment for lateness the night before). Isn't there a house phone? It was stupid. So he swears, threatens to throw shit and leaves. The cameras follow him for a while and he says (paraphrase) when I quit, I quit and I mean it, I quit. And...scene.

Heidi goes to NV. She looks like hell.

Everyone that's left minus Mike Starr goes to a farmer's market or does laundry (or both?). Why would they leave Mike Starr alone? Why not leave him a note..."hey Mike, we're down at the farmer's market, have producer B call my phone and you can come join us if you'd like". Instead we watch him wake up alone, leave, and call his sister to go out for "thai food". When she tells him he's toxic (she says she stopped using 3 days ago--she just didn't want to share, I'm sure Mike can blow through a lot of drugs in one sitting--I wouldn't want to share my stash with him either) he calls her a cunt and throws the phone. So, he calls his girlfriend and they go hang out. For some reason, we don't see any of that.

Jen plans a movie night--nobody is allowed to go out. In the producer's infinite wisdom, they pick out Tom Sizemore movies. Oh yeah, Tom came back. He laughs with Seth about his fit. Ha Ha you abusive bastard. Then Tom tells Jenny (Penny) and Kendra that Heidi is an evil bitch. And some other stuff. They try, unsuccessfully, to tell Tom that his constant sniping at Heidi is...well, we don't know because he just talks over them. They are women after all. I want to like Tom Sizemore. I really do, but he's bent beyond repair.

Heidi is back and pops hot. Mike, oddly enough, doesn't pop hot. Which surprises everyone. Heidi is supposed to stay in her room while Dr. Drew comes to take her out to detox (so she can come back, of course). It says a lot, because she didn't have to come back. Good for her. Tom throws yet another fit about Heidi and threatens to leave. He has a good cry on Jen's shoulder and all I kept thinking about was Tom Sizemore's snot on her shirt. He actually looks directly at the camera. And...scene.

Heidi leaves her room and puts some sushi down in front of Tom and calls him a weirdo. Tom was doing his "I lost everything, which was way more than you ever had anyway" monologue. The sushi thing happened, then Mike Starr was stupid enough to think he was in America and could say something and Tom GOES OFF. Tom doesn't think Mike should still be able to be detoxing (even though the viewers know it is possible, according to Dr. Drew). Mike says something about lactose intolerance. No one tells Tom to settle down. Jenny sits there--she did that in Sex Rehab when someone was fighting. Like a rabbit--if she stays still, no one will see her and hurt her. Heidi is looking down from the balcony--knowing these people are seeing the "real" Tom she knows. Finally, Tom says something like "and...scene; if I were you I'd never let someone talk to me like that." Mike, very confused at this point (does he know Tom's an actor?), says, "ok, we'll go, let's go" (this is all paraphrased--show already deleted). And finally, we see some muscle step in. I wish Dennis Rodman would just pick Tom up in is right hand and Mike in his left and hold them off the ground by the scruff of their necks. Their legs would be moving and they could reach and snarl at one another. Dennis could stand there with his "what am I doing with these crazy white people" look on his face, smoking his cigar. Now THAT would be classic. That's how I imagine it in my head.

We got a "to be continued". And I don't think Dennis is going to get in between Tom and Mike (they are crazy white people). And I don't blame him. We did get to see Dr. Drew arriving (how convenient) and walking up the stairs as the cacophony cascades down from the patio. And...scene.

you gotta thrill my soul, alright

I'm not feeling the Real Housewives of NYC right now. I don't know what I want, but the constant fighting is not it. It feels more like Sunday dinner at crazy Aunt Esther's house. And Aunt Esther isn't crazy in the fun way. I don't really like any of them, except Alex and Simon and Simon may be my favorite housewife. Actually, I kind of like Kelly too. I'm tired of Ramona's shit-stirring and her ups and downs. I'm tired of Jill's shit-stirring (and sadly, Jill used to be my favorite). I'm tired of Bethenney (whatever--I'm not checking how to spell her name-I used to check) being so fucking negative all the time. LuAnn has some fun really bad manners moments that are ironic, but she's a shit-stirrer too.

Housewives have gone from must-see right away TV to watch it the next week begrudgingly.

So, we started off with LuAnn and her daughter in a car (which I watched Saturday). Bitchin' about Kelly and her pictorial. Or something. Then, Ramona and her daughter are at a fashion show and Kelly is there too. It was actually a nice conversation until Kelly brought up an invite slight and Ramona volleyed back with another invite slight and Kelly invited her to a party after the show. Yeah, Ramona's daughter took a cab home alone. As a daughter that had to share parental attentions with countless other kids and families, I felt for Ramona's daughter.

Then there was a boring scene with Bethany and Jason the Second. He loves her, blah, blah, blah. At least no one was backstabbing or shit-stirring. I think. I went to get coffee and didn't bother to pause. This may have been before the fashion show.

Oh lord. Jill and her mother and sister getting their pics taken. Modeling is hard, isn't it Tyra.

Bethanny, Ramona and Kelly at a bar (SkinnyGirl, SkinnyGirl--get some now!). Or somewhere. Betheny and Kelly were civil. Bethanie made some cracks and Kelly didn't get them. That happens to me sometimes. I am in a literal place and others are not. Or I'm being ironic and not understood at all. It makes me like Kelly. She goes from blonde moment to blonde moment.

Jill had a fabulous party. Was Bethenie there? I can't remember, but Simon was and he wasn't invited. This went over my head--I have no idea--I guess I was just staring at the television and not paying attention. I read about it later.

Alex told Jill she didn't like Jill talking shit about her kids. Jill said it was LuAnn. Alex cried.
Ramona told Alex (& Simon) LuAnn didn't want them at her house--in front of LuAnn.
Ramona said Jill was banned from the fabulous store.
Ramona said Kelly's boobs were wonky.
Ramona apologized to LuAnn about going after her on the day LuAnn's divorce was finalized.

I think that's it. I made hot chocolate, but didn't turn the water heater off soon enough so I can't drink it yet.

Sober House was great--not for the addicts. Mostly because Heidi said no way to Kari Ann coming back and Dennis said this...

"It ain't gonna work Bob. You know what. I dont give a fuck. You know what though, you & fuckin Dr. Drew are full of fuckin shit. Because both of you guys are so fuckin much hypocrites than anyone I know. It's amazing how you sit there and say 'let's bring you a fucked up bitch back in here' and say 'cmon guys, let's have a little bit of heart'. Compassion? How do you think I'm gonna have compassion? How you gonna do that?"

I really, really hope we never see Kari Ann demanding juice ever again.

Tom Sizemore ran away and went to his lady's house. It looked like he had some kit on his arm when they first showed him in bed. Then it was gone. They will just say it was sunlight. Oh yes. Sunlight and shadows.

Mike Starr and his corn. Mike Starr and his rage. Mike Starr needs more in-patient treatment.

It was nice to see Jenny out and about and not drinking. Mike and Dennis too. Yeah, they were late. They also know they won't really get kicked out for being late and not being drunk. Oh yeah. They could physically assault crew, be verbally abusive to everyone, piss positive for methamphetamine, and still not be kicked out. That's why they were laughing. I don't know if this is still part of Dennis' "get out of jail" treatment or if he finds this all amusing (you know, he's above the others). Seth, Heidi and Kendra stayed in. Then Seth and Kendra were punished. That shit works in the Army, I don't know about rehab. If I do what I'm supposed to be doing to help my sobriety, someone else fucks up and I have no control over them, why should I work so hard next weekend? I don't think there are blanket parties in sober house.

sometimes i think it's a sin when i feel like i'm winnin' when i'm losin' again

(Heralding trumpets) Kari Ann is gone-Kari Ann is gone. I think we all learned a valuable lesson--password protect your trick videos and porno shots. Put a lock on your office if you have relative strangers living in your home. Kari Ann went out in cunty Kari Ann style. Some day, she will wake up old with no one will get her juice.

The obvious winner in this episode is the infamous "talent" manager David Weintraub. As Kari Ann leaves stage left, we get a call from Seth "Shitty" Binzer (I know it's Shifty--he's Shitty to me) that he really wants to get clean blah blah blah. Dr. Drew lets him in the house after a heart-to-heart at a table. Did Tom Sizemore give Shitty a picture of his son, high altitude low opening?

It seemed like the guys that went to the farm were the only ones that actually put in some work. I liked watching Dennis Rodman throw hay and hear how he used to do it when he was younger. He also called the rancher a "real man"--they should have taken them all to the farm. There were other chores the less strong could have done. Cleaned stalls or coops or walked around pens with a wheelbarrow and shovel and picked up shit. If you aren't extremely familiar with animals, you can't throw fits like the one Mike threw (it shouldn't be done anyway). You have to be aware of teeth and hooves and your relationship to them. I think Heidi would have liked being around animals. Maybe that's what these addicts need. They need a place where they HAVE to work. They can go get high, but they will be dragged out into the hot sun to work. If they are out of it and get kicked in the head, well, they get kicked in the head--next. Work hard. Play hard. It's how I did the 90's and I never missed a minute of work.

It's interesting to read on David Weintraub's myspace--defending himself against the "producers of this poorly run, exploitive show, JOHN IRWIN (EP) and DAMIAN SULLIVAN (EP)" and the sycophantic replies weeping "thank you for the truth, rockstar". Oh please. If people aren't fucking smart enough to know this "reality" shit isn't real. Yeah, there are addicts. Yeah, they are on TV. Yeah, some people make breakthroughs. Anyway--so he rips the producers apart--they lie, they exploit, they are low life pieces of shit, et cetera. But he's back, isn't he. He trotted Kari Ann out on Sex Rehab, Celeb Rehab and Sober House. When Kari Ann's mental illness (and if she's not mentally ill, she needs shock therapy for being such an entitled little bitch) obviously wouldn't let her continue (or someone was going to mysteriously throw her out a fucking window), Wein(er)traub trots out another addict from his stable. Oh well, a man's gotta eat. He should just take down that myspace shit because it makes him look stupid. Well, not stupid, like a whiny little bitch. Oh, since we don't have Simon whining about how Tamra's changed, we can give the Thursday night little cunt award to David Weintraub. Even though he didn't appear on the show being a whiny little cunt, his paws were all over this episode. At least he's getting these useless addicts work. I'm a bitch. I'm going to Afghanistan. Fuck you.

I still like the show. I just wish the producers would show us these people getting better (the ones that are getting better). At least they didn't stretch KA's involvement like they did in Sex Rehab.

she kinda looks like tempest storm and she can dance like little egypt

The Real Housewives of NYC
Bethenny and Ramona meet (hauling their men along). Bethenney bitches because Ramona is late, she's in from Tuscon(?) and Ramona lives across the street. Someone better get Jason the 2nd some earplugs or he's gonna take a frying pan to that bitch's head. He's so laid back and she never shuts the fuck up. I wonder about people that have a need to fill every moment with inane chatter. Delia instead of Delilah. Ramona-ism.

Ramona talks shit about Bethenny talking fast right in front of her? Bethenny didn't even notice. I have decided to love Ramona. Ramona dancing--was she on a table!

Rosie was freed-those poor kids. Countess LuAnn knew Rosie is a fan favorite. What an awkward scene. I think LuAnn wanted to show how gracious she is by inviting the former servant out for tea. She really just wanted the snapper recipe.

Alex and Simon meet Ramona and Mario. Mario and Simon were dressed alike (favorite moment of the episode). Peach/Salmon colored shirt with a white jacket. Ramona brought Alex a wrap--she may be a little crazy, but she has a good heart. I look at her child, she is sweet. Countless-gate; hey Mario, why discuss it. Say "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, I was wrong and not thinking about how my words would make you feel if you overheard me." Then she looks like a cunt when she keeps going on and on about it.

Jill and LuAnn. They talk about going to Ramona's lunch. They start shit. He called her "countless"--I'm sure her "friends" have called her "cuntess" behind her back. I agree Mario should just apologize, but these bitches are how old? People never really leave their tweens. Then LuAnn bitches about Bethenny and their lunch and how Bethenny talks shit behind everyone's back (which she does--which they're doing). Jill loves dogs, which gives her a +5, but she's a back-biter this season.

I'm kind of bored with Bethenny's storyline--it seems a little contrived. I hope she leaves her nose alone from here on out--it's so tiny on her face. She looks like Michael Jackson. It's nice Jason the 2nd wants to move in. She's crying and I don't think she's a good enough actor to do that. Why does she keep correcting him. He seems nice. I hope they were re-creating that scene. Awkward.

Avery looks like Brianna's little sister.

Yeah, Kelly. I've decided to embrace Kelly. I think she has a streak of rage. I think she forgot her pants. Why is her skin so blotchy. I think it's great she's doing Playboy. She's a model--she's 41, good for her.

Bobby giving Ali a driving lesson. Oh, it reminds me of summertime in CT. Oh, I miss it.

Bobby is funny. He seems like a sweet guy. Bobby has a stash of Playboys in his mom's basement.

Ramona's house is very nice. Bethenny--why wouldn't she have addressed her logo and her non-use of Alex's design before. Alex is a professional-she knows some people like her work, some people don't or it's not what they wanted. Alex's make-up in confessionals is not good. Too orange. It's like they used Bethenny's make-up on Alex.

Bethenny does talk so fast. Fuck you Bethenny--that lady is one of Jill's friends. I guess Queen Bethenny doesn't speak to people outside the show. "Who are you, the caterer?" That's fucking telling--you don't talk to the help? What a fucking uppity bitch.

Good for Alex for telling Ramona they were heading over to LuAnn's--why are you making Alex feel uncomfortable? I think it's funny that Alex and Simon are the couple Ramona and Mario are fighting for. Now THAT is irony.

When Alex called Jill and LuAnn, I thought she explained herself well. She said they couldn't leave with "grace" which is something the countess SHOULD understand, but she's no countess, she's just a regular gal from CT (and not Fairfield County).

I'm tired of the whiny back-biting. Luckily, there is enough other stuff offered by these ladies to keep it from becoming the mess the OC was this past season.

Sober House 2
Kari Ann threatens my sobriety.

but all in vain, because, you see, the tiger came and said: "who me?!

OC reunion-deuce.
It was nice to see Jeana. She thinks Simon is a great guy. Wow.
More fighting, blech.
I really dislike Slade, but his hair looked better. He's one of those people that argue by saying the same thing over and over. WHY WAS HE IN THE FIRST CHAIR? Did he suck Andy Cohen's cock or maybe let Andy fuck him? Does he have pictures of something? If he was so opposed to being on the show, why was he at the reunion. He could have told his "partner" that he would wait off-camera for her. Obviously, no one is allowed to ask about child support or brain tumors. Gretchen is very ugly to me now. That says a lot. She was more popular when she was with a wealthy older man with terminal cancer. Even with the rumors she was seeing Jay Photoglou (is this really his name...is it pronounced foe-tawg-lou? or foe-toe-glue? I always wonder, but not really hard, because it's all a bunch of bullshit), she still had a following of people that liked flawed fun Gretchen. Now she's this mean little bitch and Slade is the relevant factor. Since we didn't see Simon, Slade gets the little cunt award for this episode. You are a little fucking stinky cunt Slade. They deserve one another.

Vicki runs away when confronted; dish it but can't take it; workaholic. I hope she returns. I'd like to see some older ladies.

Lynne. Was she there? They were frank with Frank--why couldn't you ask questions like that to Slade, Andy? You know what though--I don't blame him 100%. You know when something isn't right in your household with the finances. You run down what's going on or you ignore it. Lynne chose to ignore it.

King Jim and that Titted Thing he calls his wife can just go pray about wine, botox and fake tits. I hope they decide not to return. For Jesus or whatever reason, EXCEPT I love when Bravo's cameramen (who obviously read snarky recaps) focus so intently on her weird horizontally drooped profile. The Titted Thing thinks she is better than everyone else. She really does.

Tamra needs a makeover. She is pretty, but harsh and it's her hair and makeup.

I squealed like a little girl when I saw this season was starting. It wasn't a very good season. My favorite part was the tour in Florida--the ladies, minus the Titted Thing, laughing and having a good time. Maybe they all need to always be on an airboat surrounded by gators.

and all the jungle took fright and ran around all the day and the night

Reunion show part 1 of The Real Housewives of Orange County was ok. I wonder why these women can't just apologize to one another. Not really, I don't wonder.

Tamra seems happier and looking back at Simon's prickiness all cut together like that was pretty interesting. I realized (I have blond moments) the "ladies" had not seen the limo ride to the finale at the time they taped the reunion. They seemed pretty shocked. Oh, and fuck Alexis--Jim talks down to her all the time, that's why people say shit. He's been tapping away at her and she doesn't even realize it or doesn't care. The only time I agreed with the way he treated her was when she was accusing that chick of hitting on him. The only gripe I have is he should have stepped in much sooner. To each their own, really.

I really hope part 2 isn't Gretchen and Vicki going back and forth about fucking Slade. Jesus christ, I don't think anyone cares. I don't think it's because Vicki loves and respects Gretchen and wants the best for her. She doesn't like Slade--he puts a grime on the show that can't be removed; not with botox, fake tits or face lifts. It was interesting hearing Lynne put together so many words to say she thought Slade was controlling Gretchen and didn't like how it affected their (Gretchen and Lynne) relationship.

Vicki should not have said she didn't call Jim a smelly dork. Own it. If you feel bad in retrospect, apologize to Alexis and apologize to Jim later in person. Is that really so fucking hard? If you didn't say it about Jim, still apologize.

I think people are tired of the fighting. I am. I think Gretchen explained herself to Lynne and was honest and expressed how she feels hurt. She showed her ass about Tamra. Fuck it, be the bigger person. A lot of people were speculating the divorce was a stunt--I was hoping it was NOT a stunt and it doesn't appear to be--we hadn't witnessed how cunty Simon was later in the season. When Andy asked Gretchen if she still thought it was a stunt and she kind of shrugged--she lost a lot of points with me. Be the better person--Gretchen obviously had some shady shit going down last year (this year?) and Tamra knew some of the stuff. Tamra had some shit going down and should have been paying attention to her own issues. I'm off track--Gretchen should have just been the better person. I think Tamra actually produced tears?

Lynne thinks she's a good parent and doing the best possible job. There is no help for this woman. I loved the silence in the studio when Gretchen pointed out the fact the "youthologist" didn't have kids.

Unfortunately, I watched the episode with tons of distractions. Friends, children, relatives, dogs all making noise and running around and interrupting. I'm an addict with these shows--I like to enjoy them alone, savoring them with fellow addicts. I'm not a "social drinker" with these shows. I don't like to hear someone recap it for me or ask questions or comment on how they look, etc. I text my BFF for that and read TWOP. Sometimes TWOP is too much. My BFF texted the "oc reunion was uneventful"--I agree.